Actually, let’s talk about lube.  Because if you grew up confidently rapping every word to Let’s Talk About Sex by Salt-N-Pepa… there’s a very good chance you’re now in perimenopause and you may find yourself in the market for a good personal lubricant.

One of the more disorienting parts of perimenopause (and one we don't talk about enough IMO) can be when your sexual desire and your physical response stop behaving the way they used to.

This can show up as reduced desire, reduced sensation, reduced arousal, and reduced intensity of orgasms. That's a lot of reduction, and - quite frankly - it sucks.

Sometimes you’re mentally into it, but your body hasn’t exactly RSVP’d. You're not producing as much lubrication as you did in the past, and penetration starts feeling dry, stingy, irritating, or downright painful.

If you experience this, gritting your teeth and pushing through isn't a good idea. A lack of lubrication can lead to irritation, micro-tearing and inflammation, which can all progress into annoying cycles of discomfort.

On a deeper level, ignoring this feedback can cause your body to go into a form of shut down which will only make sexual interactions more challenging over the longer term. Sex coach Penny van der Sluys and I go into detail about why this is (and what to do instead) in one of the masterclasses in my Midlife Masterclass series. If you've not checked it out yet, you can find it here.

But if you follow my work, you'll know that I believe that our mindset at this time of our lives can make or break us. While this change can feel very confronting and can leave you longing for a version of yourself that seems to be becoming increasingly difficult to access, there's good news.

This change to your status quo in the bedroom provides you with an opportunity to learn more about yourself and your sexual needs, and can set the stage for a fulfilling sex life for years and years to come.

And, there's lube.

A good lubricant can make a world of difference.

The problem is that most women have absolutely no idea what to look for, so we grab the nearest tube from the supermarket or pharmacy and hope for the best.

Unfortunately, a lot of those products are full of ingredients that can irritate the vaginal tissues, disrupt the microbiome, and make things worse long term.

So here's what I'd like you to know about lube:

First: There Are Different Types of Lube

Water-Based Lubricants

These are the most common and the easiest to find, and they tend to feel the most “natural,” which is why a lot of women start here. They’re safe with condoms, safe with silicone toys, and easy to wash off, but they do tend to dry out quickly, which means you’ll often need to reapply, and many of the cheaper options contain ingredients that can be irritating.

A lot of water-based lubes contain glycerin, parabens, fragrances, or have very high osmolality (which basically means they pull water out of your tissues instead of hydrating them), and that can contribute to irritation, dryness, and infections over time.

Good water-based options include:

• Good Clean Love Almost Naked

• Sliquid H2O

• YES WB

• Lola Personal Lubricant

• Maude Shine

Silicone-Based Lubricants

These are, in my opinion, the quiet overachievers — especially in perimenopause and menopause — because they last longer, create more glide, and don’t dry out nearly as fast as water-based products.

They’re also often better tolerated by sensitive tissues because they don’t rely on the same preservatives, which makes them a really good option if you’re dealing with dryness, irritation, or discomfort during penetration.

The trade-off is that they’re not compatible with silicone toys, they can be a bit harder to wash off sheets, and some people don’t love the texture... but in terms of function, they do the job very well.

Good silicone-based options include:

• Überlube

• Pjur Woman

• Wet Platinum

• Sliquid

If things are feeling particularly dry or uncomfortable, this is usually where I’d start.

Oil-Based Lubricants

These can feel lovely and nourishing, and a lot of people like the simplicity of them, but they come with a few caveats:

They’re not safe with latex condoms, they can trap bacteria, and for some women, they’re more likely to disrupt the vaginal microbiome, especially if you’re prone to thrush, BV, or irritation.

Coconut oil gets talked about a lot — some women love it and do really well with it, and others end up with a disrupted vaginal microbiome, or just itchy and irritated. Which is a good reminder that vaginas are annoyingly individual like that.

Interestingly, some women find oils actually feel a bit “sticky” during sex, because unlike silicone, they don’t stay slippery under friction. Instead they absorb, spread, and mix with your skin and natural fluids, which can create more of a drag than a glide over time.

If you’re someone who already struggles with recurrent infections or sensitivity, I’d approach oil-based options with caution.

Ingredients Worth Avoiding

When you’re choosing a lubricant, try to steer clear of fragrances, flavours, warming or tingling agents, and anything that looks like it belongs in the novelty aisle (yes, glitter still exists and no, we are not putting it near our vaginas).

Glycerin, parabens, alcohol, and nonoxynol-9 are also worth avoiding, especially during perimenopause, when declining estrogen can make the vaginal tissues thinner, drier, and more sensitive — the last thing they need is peppermint sparkle cinnamon fire gel. Ye Gods.

A Quick Word on Moisturisers vs Lubricants

These are not the same thing, even though they often get lumped together. Lubricants reduce friction during sex, while moisturisers are used more regularly to support hydration in the tissues over time, regardless of whether you’re having sex or not.

A lot of women in perimenopause benefit from using both.

Final Thoughts

If you've never needed lube before it can be easy to feel like you've failed some kind of woman test, but that's 100% not the case. It just means you’re working with a body that’s changing, and you're choosing to support it in a way that makes things more comfortable and enjoyable.

Perimenopause can certainly pull the rug out from under you… and it’s not always easy to find your footing again on your own. If you’d like some support figuring out what’s going on and what to do next, you can click here to book a session with me.

If you’d prefer to talk things through first, you’re welcome to book in for a free 30-minute discovery call or, if you’re ready to get started, simply schedule an initial consultation.